oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
