I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
