i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
