I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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