Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
