I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
