Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize