once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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