I am puke
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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