What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
