just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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