i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
