im six kinds of drunk right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
