i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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