he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
