Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drive I can fine osifer
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
