I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
