This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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