The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
