I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
