There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
