at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
