im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
