So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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