Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
