Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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