Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
