I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
