Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
