I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
