Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
