Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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