Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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