had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost the right to judge tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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