3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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