We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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