they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.