I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
