Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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