no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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