Got a toothbrush?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
