I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize