I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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