There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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