I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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