I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
