I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
