i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
