Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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