I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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