thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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