ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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