Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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