We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
