I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
