Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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