If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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