Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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