We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
