I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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