he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
4 words: hood of his car
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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