Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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