I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
