Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
