i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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