question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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