In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
