Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bring money and cleavage
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
